Deep, deep inside me

This will be a chapter about myself, my person here on earth in flesh and blood. 
Not how I look from the outside but how I am inside. Very deep inside me.

Deep, deep inside me there is a person who has one goal. To do something for the 
people around him. First let me start with what is going on inside me. When I was 
born the world looked strange to me and I found everything was like one big movie, 
like a virtual world. It seemed to me as if the people were acting and others who did 
everything possible to destroy all living things around them. That was very hard for me, 
because I believe in all the good things and in all kinds of life forms. Years passed by 
and more and more I saw that  human beings are not here to build up life, but they try 
to break it down. Seeing that hurts me so much.  All those competitions, dominations 
and destructions brought me to a point of:  " How can I  be of use for these people?". 
I started to draw and tried to get connected with these human beings, but I found out 
that their channels were closed too. I created art for years but that was not the way to 
get people out of their holes. No there came more frustrations from them instead and 
even jealousy! At that point there was no way left for me to get connected with them, 
my drawings were not understood. For a while now, I am writing down my story and 
about my way of living. I publish those in books and on the internet. I thought by writing 
it down, at least people may read it and then they may decide for themselves if they 
want to work with it. So it is, for years now my thoughts are on the internet and in 
this book. As result: people are now further away from me, because they are not so 
far that they can understand my written words.

Thus, here I am in a world where neither my drawings nor my writings are understood 
by human beings. Jealousy, resentment and unbelief are there. Now, I come to that 
point of deep inside me. Deep inside me there is a mission from the first day of my life. 
To help these people back to their track in life! And inside me I believe the things I am 
doing are right  nevertheless I cannot reach those people yet. With my education in art 
and in Public Relations I cannot reach the people's inner selves! What is going on 
with me? Do I make my drawings too complicated? Is my writing too complicated 
and therefore I miss the point in life?  But still my inner self tells me: "You're doing 
right". However my brain is telling me: you are following the wrong path. My purpose 
is to follow what is coming deep out of myself all the way and I do not want to listen to 
my brain. There must be somehow a way to get people so far that they will open up
themselves so they can see that life is energy. All that writing, all these conventions 
and very expensive lectures by highly educated people are waste of money and time. 
Even all those clubs and health centers that make a lot of money out of God,  Angels 
and so on. I cannot accept seeing people who are blindly following these business 
people. Okay, in all these are also positive things, it is such a pity that in all those 
cases you should pay more at the end so to get in exchange more health, a better 
way of living and so on. It hurts deep inside me seeing people who believe in things 
for which they have to pay a lot of money. They are paying for something they can get
for FREE. It is there right in you and deep inside you!

Deep, deep inside me I know I can help all of you. I have the possibility so to speak 
and I can show you how you can see your own positive energy and so you can help 
yourself. Deep inside me something is telling me: "John, you can do it". However, 
a little bit further I feel doubt about it because which path should I follow?

How more clearly can I tell you that in life everything is there already? Health, luck and 
a beautiful life is possible for everybody. How more clearly can I show you that it is 
just there?  This time I came on this world without any power and I cannot show you 
miracles, because that is not for me in this life. I came here to help people and I came
here without any intention to make a show out of this power. I  have to convince you 
with my words and my drawings,  that is  the limitation I have in this life. It not easy at 
all for me, because I have the knowledge and that I want to share with you. If you believe
it or not, in my lives before I had worked a lot with this power. Now in this life, from deep 
inside me I get those limitations, why? Because I had opted for that myself. I know for 
sure I do not have to show and prove everything, because all the knowledge I master 
is meant to bring it over to other people through energy. By activating their energy in 
the right way, everybody will be able to get a better life.

This life is for me one with a lot of limitations, nevertheless I will succeed to accomplish 
my goal and that is "helping people". Deep, deep inside me I know the energy I put in 
my drawings and in my writings will reach you and yes, one day for sure it will open up
your mind, heart and soul, so also you can work and live in the positive world of energy.

(BR070668)